


Nothing is Guaranteed

by GlassesOfJustice



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Bisexual Leia Organa, Community: ladiesbingo, Emotional hurt with a small side of comfort, F/F, I’m not crying you’re crying, Loss of Faith, Missing Scene, Sapphic September 2018, Vulnerable yet powerful women, amileia, background characters Kaydel Ko Connix and C-3PO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 04:29:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15900918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlassesOfJustice/pseuds/GlassesOfJustice
Summary: Amilyn struggles to make sense of losing Leia.





	Nothing is Guaranteed

**Author's Note:**

> My first fill for [Ladies Bingo 2018](https://ladiesbingo.dreamwidth.org/) “Loss of Faith” square and also inspired by day 3 of [Sapphic September 2018](https://golden-queen-writes.tumblr.com/post/177602640443/sapphic-september-2018) fic prompts. 
> 
> Thank you to [kimaracretak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimaracretak/) for the lovely beta work and rare pair encouragement.

Before the airlock doors open to Leila’s private recovery room, Amilyn thinks she is ready for what she will see on the other side. 

As soon as the doors open, she realizes it was Admiral Holdo—fearless, emotions calculated and controlled, that tricked Amilyn into thinking she could handle this.

Amilyn steps just inside the doors, the _whoosh_ of the airlock blowing her mauve hued dress out of the closure. Overwhelmed by the sight of Leia’s unmoving form, she involuntarily stumbles back into the closed door, the cool metal comforting against her shoulder blades. She holds her position, hoping to find solid ground again.

She crosses her arms over her chest, trying to call forth the calm she felt on the bridge minutes before when she told Lt. Connex and C-3PO to hold their course while she was away. A shaky breath makes her more aware of the pounding in her chest. Her ribs feel tight against her chest. She brings her hand up to cover her mouth. She successfully holds back a sob that is trying to escape, never taking her eyes off the woman she loves laying on the other side of the room. 

_Damn it Leia! Why did you have to leave me all alone._

Amilyn regrets how much they left unsaid, relying on their bodies and their kisses—hungry, soft, needy, and more, to convey the trust and loyalty they shared instead. Still she knows that’s not why she’s so upset. Leia knew. She always knew. It’s time. There was never enough time and being robbed of a future embrace, the way Leia always fingered her hair after they had sex—it was something she’d chosen not to prepare for. 

Did that make her a fool? There are only 400 people left in the Resistance and this was in many ways inevitable. She always thought it would be _her_. That death would befall her and Leia would be the one forced to pick up the pieces. Leia’s always been the strongest one. She could handle this.

Amilyn is running out of time so she makes her way over to Leia and sits on her bed, her hip resting against Leia’s left knee. She reaches out and covers Leia’s hand, the coldness of Leia’s skin is a shock and a reminder. Her black nail polish in stark constraint to the paleness of Leia’s skin, the whiteness of the sheets and the room. She rubs small circles over the back of Leia’s hand, willing her to react. Trying to communicate the jumble of feelings coursing through her every cell.

She thinks she feels Leia’s finger twitch. But it’s just her heart playing tricks on her. 

_I love you Leia Organa. I always have. Though, you know that. Right? Please know that._

They are out of time. Amilyn has to get back to the bridge and Leia isn’t waking up. Amilyn stands up from the bed and a sob finally escapes, echoing in the quiet room. She wipes a tear from her face and leans down to drop a kiss on Leia’s hand. It’s not enough, but it has to be.

The doors close again and Leia’s room returns to the silence of before. Machines clicking along. The only trace that anyone had even been in there is the faint imprint of Amilyn’s body, still clinging to the mattress.

“Come back to bed.” Leia murmurs to the empty room. Her eyes are still closed, her body is still lifeless. 

Maybe there _is_ more time.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to see what other squares I have for Ladies Bingo 2018 check out [my card](https://glassesofjustice.dreamwidth.org/333.html)!


End file.
